Sunday, September 30, 2007


there is nothing sweeter than cuddling with a soft, warm baby. the closeness of their warm, soft skin and the feel of their rapid breathing tickling your neck or face is what being a mother is all about.

it's these sweet, tender moments that every mother lives for. these intimate moments of reflection and quiet are ones that will forever be burned into the memory of every mother. no matter how old our children grow, i can't ever imagine forgetting what it was like to hold one of them in my arms while gently and quietly singing a lullaby just before bed. i will never forget the smell of their soft, baby fine hair just after being bathed.

this being said, i have come to a sad realization today. actually, it is a realization that has been coming slowly to the front of my brain, it's just that today i have finally accepted it. for the past, oh i don't know how long, maybe month or so, almost every time i go to put kawena to bed i will get her all cozy in a blanket and hold her close, (because that is what all babies love, right?) only to have her squirm and push away from me. when i try holding her closer she just pushes harder and gets upset. after a bit of a struggle, i finally give up and lay her in her bed thinking, "fine! i'll just put you in your bed!" she watches me as i walk out and the elated smile on her face is saying, "thank goodness, mom, that's what i wanted you to do!" i close the door behind me with mixed emotions. i am frustrated that she was fighting me, sad that she wouldn't cuddle with me, surprised and a bit hurt that she didn't need me, yet relieved that she can put herself to sleep.

it's amazing to me how different each child comes to us. they all have their own needs and wants. nani, needed us to do everything for her. now, granted, this may simply be because she was our first, and we did do everything for her, willingly. that is until we realized how dependent she was upon us. then, we tried to break all of those "bad" habits, only to find out that it was next to impossible to do. she still is the most dependent upon us.

so, along comes kale'a and we were not going to make the same "mistakes" with her. we were more conscious of the things that we did and didn't do with her. she is much more independent. again, this could be because of the different way we approached parenting with her.

whatever the differences, one thing has been the same with all three of our girls. none of them have been super cuddly. sure, they were cuddly as newborns, but once they actually started doing more than just eating , sleeping, and pooping they have been more interested in the world around them than in cuddling with me. it's something that has been a bit sad for me, but i still hold out hope that one of our babies will be a cuddler. though they haven't been big cuddlers, i have cherished the quiet moments with each of our girls, no matter how short or fleeting those moments have been!

so, long story, long... the realization that i've come to accept is that kawena goes to sleep better in her bed. that is great when we are at home and have access to her crib (it actually can be very nice when i am short on time or the girls are needing me), but does not work out so well when we aren't at home, oh say..., at church. today, i think i heard a total of 1 hour, maybe an hour and a half of our 3 hours of meetings. the little rascal, errr, i mean sweetheart, was so tired but refused to go to sleep. so, i walked the halls! once home and as soon as she was done eating lunch, i took her to her room, laid her down, and didn't hear a peep out of her!


Bridget said...

Oh, I love the cuddling too. Maren will still on occassion ask me to cuddle with her. It's not quite the same on a 45 lb. 7 yr old but I'll take it. Ethan is my cuddler though. He loves to snuggle up. I love it. Cole can't be still long enough to cuddle. Don't give up yet, you may get a cuddler next!

And yes, I would love the smell of freshly washed baby fine hair. Its just so sweet and pure.

Merilee said...

Boston never snuggled as a baby. I thought I was doomed, but for the first 5 years of Mason's life I couldn't get him off of me. Sid has a good balance.

Bridget is right though. It's not quite the same anymore.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, that poor baby. She's not there for me to bore her to sleep in Relief Society! :-) And you're so right about the dependence thing. Alexis is way more dependent than Brandon. It is so hard to break her of that!

Tutu lady said...

I'm sad to hear it! I was hoping for a little bit of that cuddling when we arrive next week. Boo hoo!

Bouncing Balls said...

Don't give up hope! Before Anderson turned a year he kept pushing me away lunging for the bed or for a toy and didn't want to cuddle and just in the last two weeks he loves to snuggle and will crawl over to me just to put his head on my shoulder and gives hugs. I didn't think he would do that since just weeks before he showed no interest. There's hope!

Darilyn said...

Makenzie is NOT a cuddler. I give her hugs all the time and she will barely hug me back. She has always been like that. Emma loves to cuddle but doesn't need to do it all the time. Heidi is a constant cuddler. I've learned that she is a kinesthetic person. She learns best by touching things and that's how she creates her memories. It's very interesting.

Michal said...

bronwen is at the age right now when i just want to pick her up and kiss her repeatedly throughout the day (but not when i'm making dinner, which is when she'd like me to!) i love the cuddles and kisses. luckily, most of my kids are still cuddlers, although completely on their own terms.